When I look back on how I got to where I’m at now, I think of the phrase "hindsight is 20/20"—and it’s definitely rang true for me in many ways in my life.
13 years ago, my perspective was:
In the moment, a distressing experience would invoke feelings of great pain and suffering. When I looked back on that experience later, I re-experienced the feelings of pain and suffering—and felt shame, uncertainty, agony, and hopelessness.
Looking back on the way my life had gone so far, it makes sense that’s how I saw the world. I survived through moving all over cities, states, and even countries every 2 to 3 years until I was 17. I survived through psychological and physical abuse from my father. I survived through sexual abuse. I survived through depression, ADHD, and BPD— I did a LOT of surviving throughout most of my life! Surviving through pain and suffering, all I knew was just that—and I was insistent that I was cursed to live it for the entirety of my life.
But I think on it now, and I feel like each and every moment in my life was both integral in getting me to this point and taught me lessons that profoundly grew me into the person I am today. The suffering I experienced in my daily life as a result of my traumas inspired my interest in understanding my own psychology through various psychotherapies, and later led me down paths to understanding the deeper multi-generational traumas that preceded my own and affected my life. My identification as the black sheep and my innate curiosity to discover "why" drew me towards deep fascination with metaphysics, quantum physics, spirituality, extraterrestrials, astronomy, and the paranormal. The chaos I experienced in my adult life led me to seek deeper recovery. Each time I experienced pain, I was growing; and along that growth, my perspective naturally began to shift in alignment with my growth. Each time I healed a past wound, I experienced a sense of enlightenment with my shifted perspective—a deeper understanding of myself and the world that connected me further to wisdom.
Now, I understand that I no longer have to survive through my life—I am grateful to say I am thriving through it! As I continue to experience life, I look back in hindsight and feel proud of my growth and healing. I strive to keep learning, healing, and deepening my connections with my truth, my authenticity, and the flow of the Universe.
My soul’s purpose in this lifetime is to heal and help heal. I want to be of service by helping others experience balance, peace, fulfillment, understanding, flow, and freedom in their lives.
I am grateful for everyone I have come across on my journey, especially the ones who still stand with me today:
Gabriel — Love of my life, I am grateful for you, who accepts me as I am and loves me unconditionally. Thank you for supporting me, inspiring me, loving me, and accepting me. I love you, support you, and accept you unconditionally too. ❤️
Mom — I am so grateful for all that I have learned and will learn from you. Thank you for always being there for me. You’ve taken such good care of me and did not once give up on me even when I was at my lowest. I love you and I am proud to be your daughter. 🧡
Abby — Best friend, I am grateful for all the ways we have helped each other heal and grow. Though we no longer live nearby each other, I feel happy knowing we are still the best of friends. Thank you for trusting me to confide in, for listening to me, for having my back. I love you and I can’t wait to see how our journeys align next. 💛
Otak — You’re my emotional support cat and even though you can’t read, I love you anyways! You’re the smartest cat I know, you’re weird like me, and you give me cuddles and kisses when I’m feeling sad. I’m grateful for you, little cat! Thank you for being you, even when you lay all over my work to “help”. 💚